he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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