i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
