Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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