i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
