just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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