Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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