I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You left your phone here
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