I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
