What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
