Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
