R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize