So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
