Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
foreskin is a definite game changer
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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