So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
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