just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
be right there i have to get my cape
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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