It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
