There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
