How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
