just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
