you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
