I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
How does it feel to date your dad?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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