Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize