a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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