He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
