ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dignity is for republicans.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize