Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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