she looked like the before picture.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
