He uses pillows to masturbate.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
