WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
