I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so let's talk penis.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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