When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
