When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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