I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
