I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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