my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize