shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
