so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You're earring is so big in my mouth
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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