You were right. It hurts to walk today.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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