It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
