well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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