I puked a lego.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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