just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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