We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
