Buhtt sex?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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