The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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