Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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