a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
