I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
