She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I touched a dick in church today
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
