god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Do you have feelings for this penis?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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