Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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