I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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