You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
