you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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