bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
