Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
