i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
