If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
