Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
