i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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