I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
