4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
