having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
