I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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