I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
