what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
