I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
