Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
