you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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