We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
