summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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