how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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