i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
