do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
