Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
