Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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