i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
