Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
