I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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