he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
