I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
