is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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