Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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