You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
