What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I came so hard my ears popped.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize