I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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