what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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