I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
