woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
