Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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