I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize