My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
