I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
