i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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