I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
