that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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