My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
