you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
