I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
