I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
