dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
