My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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