i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
