actually, I'm a sock model
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
